FIONA: Ew, don't look now, but--
FIONA: You suck at following directions.
[THE CAT IS CARRYING A SMALL SPECIES OF FURRY ANIMAL IN ITS MOUTH. FOR PURPOSES OF ARGUMENT WE SHALL CALL IT A MOUSE, THOUGH IT COULD HAVE BEEN A SHREW. WHATEVER. IT PUTS IT ON THE GROUND, AND THEN ATTEMPTS TO BAT IT ABOUT]
RIGHTEOUS FURY: *flare!*
EMMA: *stands* YOU HAVE JUST FED UPON CANNED MEATS, FELINE! UNHAND THAT POOR MOUSE!
[This scene would be a lot more effective if EMMA could just get the fucking door open already.]
FIONA: *is laughing*
EMMA: HNNNURGH. *with superhuman strength, and having finally flicked the switch and turned the key at the right time, the door is opened.*
CAT: *still playing, looks up at EMMA with a WTF look on her little catty face*
EMMA: Let it go. Seriously.
CAT: *makes to gnaw*
[EMMA GRABS...A WOODEN CHAIR COVERED IN STRIPY BLUE FABRIC. OH YEAH, ACTION SEQUENCE. MAKING THREATENING GESTURES AND YELLING THE CAT'S NAME IN A DISAPPROVING MANNER, SHE ADVANCES]
MOUSE: Great, I'm slowly dying and I can't even have some rest in my last moments? Ugh. *faint*
CAT: *saunters backwards*
CAT: *saunters backwards a bit more, then sits back to chew at some grass.*
EMMA: *is not fooled*
[THE CAT IS FAR ENOUGH AWAY SO STAGE TWO OF THE PLAN CAN GO INTO MOTION. EMMA TURNS BACK TO SEE THE PATIO DOOR BEING LOCKED BY HER SISTER.]
EMMA: WHY. GODDAMNIT, WHY.
[AFTER THREATS, CAJOLING MANNERS AND ONE CUT THUMB, EMMA IS ALLOWED BACK IN.]
FIONA: So, seriously, are you still hungry after seeing that scene of gore?
[EMMA IS STILL HUNGRY. BUT LIVES ARE AT STAKE. SHE FILLS A WINE GLASS WITH WATER AND RUNS BACK OUTSIDE.]
EMMA: *magical sparkly reviving power! EMMA pleads with the mouse not to be dead and then throws water on it.*
MOUSE: HOLY FUCK THAT'S COLD. *scampers off*
MOUSE: *scampers off a bit further*
CAT: *stealth pounce*
EMMA: THOU SHALT NOT SUFFER A WITCH TO LIVE! *flicks remaining water at cat*
CAT: Fuck you guys. I'm going to the farm, where I am rewarding for killing furry things.
MOUSE: *still scampering*
[EMMA SMILES, WIND BLOWING HER HAIR BACK. HER TEETH DING. DESPITE THE FACT THAT THE LAWN CHAIR IS NOW HALFWAY ACROSS THE GARDEN, UPSIDE DOWN, HER THUMB IS BLEEDING, SHE REALLY DOESN'T FEEL LIKE EATING MEAT RIGHT NOW AND FIONA IS RELATING ALL HER ANTICS TO HER FRIENDS VIA TEXT.]
EMMA: *says cool closing quote*
In other news, my Diploma singing exam is tomorrow.